Are you happy?

I have a good friend, H. We write e-mails to each other very often. And we have this thing where we would suggest s topic and we would discuss it.... Hopefully intelligently.

Today, he suggested this topic:

Are you Happy?

I thought it was a good topic, so here goes....

Am I happy? Yes I am. I definitely am. And I have every reason to be. I am happy and I am grateful for everything that I have right now, my health, my family, my job (ok this is not that great, but at least it is not stressing me out) and my friends.

I have not been this content with life, since I can't remember when. My life had been turbulent for the past 7 years. Full of ups and downs. I seem to remember more downs than ups, once in a while when I am reminded, I remember some good moments. It was almost the darkest part of my life thus far, I hope it is the worst that I can ever experience. It is too sad and painful even for me to explain in great lengths, I can only express that it was just a difficult phase that I had to go through. I believe, that we all have to go through some bout of difficulties in our lives. Its only a question of when and how.

Everything was impossible for me then. I was not able to be happy. I was not able to see or think positively. I would not see my friends, I would not leave my house. I always thought that I was not likeable or wanted. It was a period of my life that somehow I had no control over.

7 years ago was also when I only just started work. My starting pay was enough to just get by. Somehow I don't know why, I wanted to buy my first property then. Upon confirmation of my job, I straight away made a submission for a housing loan with The Company, which offered very low interest rates and 100% loan. I was broke, but satisfied. I was able to live on my own. I don't care how broke I was, so long as I had my privacy and space. I took up a weekend job for extra money for entertainment.

Moving on, things seem to look brighter for me. I met my hubby. He, in some funny way, makes me happy. He has a way of making me laugh, and we seem to understand each other perfectly (although now a days I don't really agree hehe).

As soon as we got married, I was hit with another problem. I had a serious unexplainable back pain. I saw many doctors, specialists, spent thousands on chiropractors, but could not find the reason to my chronic pain. It was so painful, that I could pass out from the pain at times. I get a sharp piercing pain on my thigh that hits right into my head. I endured this for almost 3 years (before we got married, the pains were minor, but still uncomfortable). I thought it was because I fell off a horse few year back as I used to ride. But apparently not. The pain kept getting worse. Every step I take was excruciating. At one time, things got so bad, I was passing out for no reason, I had no appetite to eat and I was really weak. I rushed to the hospital, was admitted immediately and was operated on. I had a certain illness that caused an infection to my spine and caused a distruction to my L4/L5, where now I no longer have a disc. It has now fused together. I took 1 full year to recover. The medications that I tool gave me severe side effects. I had athritis like pains. My wrist, my knees, my ankles and the ball of my feet hurt. I could not walk, or do anything. I had no strength even to get out of the car or bend down to pick up anything.

During this whole episode of back pain, my previous job was also giving me hell, with a boss that would set me up for whatever reason he can think off.

Now I am fully recovered and got my mobility back. I can do almost anything now. We finaly settled down into our second property, and finally financially stable. Both hubby and I are moving on well with our careers too. I have changed jobs, have a great boss and my work is also less stressful.

Due to all the miseries I had, I am maximising life and living it to the fullest. Now, both hubby and I are ready for a baby. Insya Allah, we hope rezeki will be granted upon us.

So, am I happy? Yes I am.