On the Misyar thing

I could not believe my eyes when I saw the article on the nikah misyar idea. Apparently this Professor from UM has all the answers to issue regarding the high numbers of unmarried woman. He however, did not understand the whys. He only saw all the available “fish” swimming around, and thought, what a waste. They should be fully utilized to pacify the hunger of gatal men’s loins.

So this Proffesor states that nikah misyar does not require men to be obligated towards nafkah and tanggungan towards the wife and family. It also does not require women from being obligated to perform household duties. Now, does he assume that once the nikah is done, they would just have sex and not conceive. No doubt some people can prevent themselves from conceiving, but from my knowledge, these people (and I mean people who are dumb enough to come up with this idea and would go for it anway) are really not going to bother about contraceptives! They are just going to let it “fire away”.

But lets look at it in a different way. Does he also mean that people are put off marriage because of the burden of these obligations? Not to misunderstand, husbands should support their wife and family. But does it give the wife the right to pressure the husband with ridiculous demands of monthly allowances and materialistic items? This is more real than we realize it. I personal know of people who demand hefty allowances, credit cards, jewellery etc. Its all fine and “yes mam” when they are first married. But come a few years down the line, when used to be 2 is now 3 comes into play, the husband might get slightly cheesed off.

Now lets look at the women’s perspective. Husbands demand their wives to serve them hand and foot and do ALL the house chores, despite the wife being a workingwomen herself. Yes, there is a small clause that says women has to fulfill her household duties, but does men have the right to demand the wife to do it all on her own and not lend a hand? Yes, in this day and age, husbands like this do exist. I sadly know of some personally. I feel sorry for these women, as they too are career women and have very respectful and career building jobs.

Misyar or no misyar, husbands and wives should respect each other needs and not take advantage of each other just because. Though misyar may solve this small area of the problem, it most definitely leads to bigger problems. It however, in my opinion, will not resolve the issue of high numbers of unmarried women (obviously!!). To me, its just a ploy to get easy and “legal” sex. Will not work, in our culture and country anyways. We are, not in a darurat (emergency) situations where there are alarmingly huge disparity between the population of men and women.

High numbers of unmarried women is not a problem. It is a choice that a woman has made. It does not mean that she is not happy. She is contented in her own different way.

So smart ass men don’t have to come up with their dumb theories and dumb solutions to this blissful choice of strong and independent women.